Being Afraid of the Dark

The title of this post is a little deceiving, since I think it might give you the impression that I am afraid of the dark, but I am not. In fact, I quite like the dark. I like sitting in the dark by myself - not sleeping or thinking really, but just being alone in the dark. I also like going on walks by myself at night in the dark. I know, I know, right now many or you are planning on clicking the little button at the bottom of this post and leaving me a cautionary comment about doing that - but you can stop. I know the danger and I have heard all the warnings, but I still love the dark.

The main reason for this post is that I have seen many movies recently, and in the past, that seem to encourage this sort of unprecedented fear of the dark. I saw the movie "30 Days of Night" and I liked it a lot. I liked for one that it didn't encourage the whole vampires are beautiful mentality that our culture is heading towards. In fact, after seeing the vampires in that movie, I don't think anyone would really WANT to become a vampire. But it still seems to be a cautionary tale of being in the dark ... at all ... ever. And another recent movie I saw was "I Am Legend" - which I thought was great. But still, the 'zombies' (for lack of a better word) only really seem to come out at night, and during the daylight hours they hang out in the dark.

All this leads me to wonder why, as humans, we are so afraid of the dark. I know that we can't see in the dark so that adds a little bit of unknown to many situations. But still, I don't think it is the dark we should be afraid of as much as what people (and other creatures) do in the dark. And mostly what they are willing to do because it is dark.

I guess being from a small town where everyone knows everyone and if you get in trouble your parents know before you get home made me feel safe in the dark. There were many times when my best friend, at the end of the night, would say, "'Oh, I have to walk her halfway home because she can't walk by herself in the dark." (As a side note here I will add that we lived maybe three blocks from each other.) But that was more so we could get more time together, and not really because either of us were afraid of the dark. But even now when I go home, and it is not too cold, I relish being able to go on a long walk in the dark by myself out to the stop-sign and back where there are almost no street lights and the view of the stars is amazing. So I maintain that it is healthy for me not to be afraid of the dark. I am still careful, especially when I am not at home in my town of 250 people but am instead in my current residential town of about 40,000, but that doesn't mean I don't do it. I am just smarter about it. In fact, I think I will go for a walk right now.

Flabby, Fat and Lazy

That is the way I get when I am at home. I don't do a whole lot of anything (I haven't even changed out of my PJ's today) and I eat a lot of junky food. It is so great. But crappy at times, because I get rumbly's in my tumbly and I feel like all I want to do is go for a run. Which, for me, is pretty crazy since I HATE running. And even though I slept way in this morning and it is only 10:30 I feel like it is about time to go to bed. So I will soon - right after this movie ends and if nothing else good is on TV afterwards (since my life is completely dictated by the schedule of the three TV channels we get here in Carmangay). Anyway, that is about all ... since I have been doing nothing, I really have nothing to write about. I hope I can be a bit more productive tomorrow. Maybe I will at least shower ... depending on what's on TV.

Excitorated!

That's right - excitorated. That is what I am. For I am leaving tomorrow for an entire week. I am so happy. Not that I don't love being here in Oregon and working my job and hanging out with my friends and all that - because I do - but I am way excited to get away from all of it and chillax for a week. Maybe figure out my life. Probably not, but I might actually have time to think for a few seconds. I have so much to do though, so very much. So little time. Blech. Anyway, that is the extent of my blogging power tonight because even though it is only 11:24 (early in the eyes of my roommate) I am dead tired! Work was tiring and so was life after work. It is time to rest up for my hectic day tomorrow. My next post will be from Canada! (fingers crossed)

Sorry

So today was one of those feel sorry for myself days. I don't know why, but I just felt 'blah'. Do you ever feel blah? Where it feels like you are too fat and too ugly and too mean and too nice and too stupid and too smart and no one will ever love you even though you know darn well that lots of people love you. I felt really alone even though I was surrounded by people. The thing was that I felt fine at work when I actually was by myself and then I got home and was around people and I felt like crap. And then this friend of mine - this sweet nice great friend of mine - called to see if I was okay. I hadn't told him I had to work today so he was wondering why I wasn't at church and wanted to know if I was okay. And that made it better in one way and worse in another. It was nice to know that right when I was feeling like no one cared, someone called and obviously did care. But at the same time, he is one of my friends and he is dating this girl, and that is the way it seems all my friends are (well not all, but many). And if they aren't dating someone then they at least have in the past ... but I haven't. And I feel weird about that. I feel like maybe I am going to meet this great guy someday who I really like and he will really like me until he finds that out and then he will assume that there is something wrong with me that he just didn't know about so he won't like me anymore. That is stupid and irrational, but there it is.

The title of this is really an apology to anyone who ends up stumbling across this horrid mushiness of my thought goo and actually reads it. Sorry that you read it. That is all. I won't feel like this tomorrow and I will post something normal. Maybe.

Hectic Week!

So, the concert was a great start to a crazy week. The day of the concert the friend I went with had her cell phone die and the charging post on the inside broke so it is now unusable. Then, my car on the way to the concert seemed like it was smoking or steaming, but since it was totally pouring we thought it was steam. The next day my roommate asked me to drive her to the airport and as we were going my car was still 'steaming' only, it was no longer raining. Uh oh right? So luckily when we were on the freeway it was okay because it stayed cool and didn't overheat, but just as we are about to get home there is a huge traffic backup on the freeway from an accident and we are stuck sitting there for a long time. We get back into town and the temp gauge is on the border between the red and the white, it even tips into the red slightly a few times. So I blast the heat and hurry home. As soon as I get there we pop the hood and green goop sprays everywhere and there is smoke rising from my poor engine.

To make a long story short, I finally got the stupid thing to the mechanic and he tells me that it is the water pump which made me lose all the water, so it overheated and then it blew the thermostat, the thermostat housing and it was so hot it even melted this gasket which made it so that air got into the fuel line and it wouldn't stay running. So, $668 later my car runs again. I am so broke. Poor me. But on the plus side, the car is running again. :)

Jingle Ball!

So my friend Jasmine and I went to this awesome concert where we saw:

Jordin Sparks

One Republic

Colbie Callait

and Avril Lavigne.
It was a way awesome concert - even though we stood on our feet for about 4 stinkin' hours! It was a long time! Anyway, my car overheated and freaked out on me afterwards so now I have to go deal with that, but I thought I would post some pics so you could all see the awesomeness! I bet you are jealous!