Being Afraid of the Dark

The title of this post is a little deceiving, since I think it might give you the impression that I am afraid of the dark, but I am not. In fact, I quite like the dark. I like sitting in the dark by myself - not sleeping or thinking really, but just being alone in the dark. I also like going on walks by myself at night in the dark. I know, I know, right now many or you are planning on clicking the little button at the bottom of this post and leaving me a cautionary comment about doing that - but you can stop. I know the danger and I have heard all the warnings, but I still love the dark.

The main reason for this post is that I have seen many movies recently, and in the past, that seem to encourage this sort of unprecedented fear of the dark. I saw the movie "30 Days of Night" and I liked it a lot. I liked for one that it didn't encourage the whole vampires are beautiful mentality that our culture is heading towards. In fact, after seeing the vampires in that movie, I don't think anyone would really WANT to become a vampire. But it still seems to be a cautionary tale of being in the dark ... at all ... ever. And another recent movie I saw was "I Am Legend" - which I thought was great. But still, the 'zombies' (for lack of a better word) only really seem to come out at night, and during the daylight hours they hang out in the dark.

All this leads me to wonder why, as humans, we are so afraid of the dark. I know that we can't see in the dark so that adds a little bit of unknown to many situations. But still, I don't think it is the dark we should be afraid of as much as what people (and other creatures) do in the dark. And mostly what they are willing to do because it is dark.

I guess being from a small town where everyone knows everyone and if you get in trouble your parents know before you get home made me feel safe in the dark. There were many times when my best friend, at the end of the night, would say, "'Oh, I have to walk her halfway home because she can't walk by herself in the dark." (As a side note here I will add that we lived maybe three blocks from each other.) But that was more so we could get more time together, and not really because either of us were afraid of the dark. But even now when I go home, and it is not too cold, I relish being able to go on a long walk in the dark by myself out to the stop-sign and back where there are almost no street lights and the view of the stars is amazing. So I maintain that it is healthy for me not to be afraid of the dark. I am still careful, especially when I am not at home in my town of 250 people but am instead in my current residential town of about 40,000, but that doesn't mean I don't do it. I am just smarter about it. In fact, I think I will go for a walk right now.

Flabby, Fat and Lazy

That is the way I get when I am at home. I don't do a whole lot of anything (I haven't even changed out of my PJ's today) and I eat a lot of junky food. It is so great. But crappy at times, because I get rumbly's in my tumbly and I feel like all I want to do is go for a run. Which, for me, is pretty crazy since I HATE running. And even though I slept way in this morning and it is only 10:30 I feel like it is about time to go to bed. So I will soon - right after this movie ends and if nothing else good is on TV afterwards (since my life is completely dictated by the schedule of the three TV channels we get here in Carmangay). Anyway, that is about all ... since I have been doing nothing, I really have nothing to write about. I hope I can be a bit more productive tomorrow. Maybe I will at least shower ... depending on what's on TV.

Excitorated!

That's right - excitorated. That is what I am. For I am leaving tomorrow for an entire week. I am so happy. Not that I don't love being here in Oregon and working my job and hanging out with my friends and all that - because I do - but I am way excited to get away from all of it and chillax for a week. Maybe figure out my life. Probably not, but I might actually have time to think for a few seconds. I have so much to do though, so very much. So little time. Blech. Anyway, that is the extent of my blogging power tonight because even though it is only 11:24 (early in the eyes of my roommate) I am dead tired! Work was tiring and so was life after work. It is time to rest up for my hectic day tomorrow. My next post will be from Canada! (fingers crossed)

Sorry

So today was one of those feel sorry for myself days. I don't know why, but I just felt 'blah'. Do you ever feel blah? Where it feels like you are too fat and too ugly and too mean and too nice and too stupid and too smart and no one will ever love you even though you know darn well that lots of people love you. I felt really alone even though I was surrounded by people. The thing was that I felt fine at work when I actually was by myself and then I got home and was around people and I felt like crap. And then this friend of mine - this sweet nice great friend of mine - called to see if I was okay. I hadn't told him I had to work today so he was wondering why I wasn't at church and wanted to know if I was okay. And that made it better in one way and worse in another. It was nice to know that right when I was feeling like no one cared, someone called and obviously did care. But at the same time, he is one of my friends and he is dating this girl, and that is the way it seems all my friends are (well not all, but many). And if they aren't dating someone then they at least have in the past ... but I haven't. And I feel weird about that. I feel like maybe I am going to meet this great guy someday who I really like and he will really like me until he finds that out and then he will assume that there is something wrong with me that he just didn't know about so he won't like me anymore. That is stupid and irrational, but there it is.

The title of this is really an apology to anyone who ends up stumbling across this horrid mushiness of my thought goo and actually reads it. Sorry that you read it. That is all. I won't feel like this tomorrow and I will post something normal. Maybe.

Hectic Week!

So, the concert was a great start to a crazy week. The day of the concert the friend I went with had her cell phone die and the charging post on the inside broke so it is now unusable. Then, my car on the way to the concert seemed like it was smoking or steaming, but since it was totally pouring we thought it was steam. The next day my roommate asked me to drive her to the airport and as we were going my car was still 'steaming' only, it was no longer raining. Uh oh right? So luckily when we were on the freeway it was okay because it stayed cool and didn't overheat, but just as we are about to get home there is a huge traffic backup on the freeway from an accident and we are stuck sitting there for a long time. We get back into town and the temp gauge is on the border between the red and the white, it even tips into the red slightly a few times. So I blast the heat and hurry home. As soon as I get there we pop the hood and green goop sprays everywhere and there is smoke rising from my poor engine.

To make a long story short, I finally got the stupid thing to the mechanic and he tells me that it is the water pump which made me lose all the water, so it overheated and then it blew the thermostat, the thermostat housing and it was so hot it even melted this gasket which made it so that air got into the fuel line and it wouldn't stay running. So, $668 later my car runs again. I am so broke. Poor me. But on the plus side, the car is running again. :)

Jingle Ball!

So my friend Jasmine and I went to this awesome concert where we saw:

Jordin Sparks

One Republic

Colbie Callait

and Avril Lavigne.
It was a way awesome concert - even though we stood on our feet for about 4 stinkin' hours! It was a long time! Anyway, my car overheated and freaked out on me afterwards so now I have to go deal with that, but I thought I would post some pics so you could all see the awesomeness! I bet you are jealous!

Good News!!!

So, today I finally got up the guts or the courage or the gumption or the ... whatever ... and I finished moving! Well, not totally finished, but it was actually not raining so I moved my bed, which was the reason I was holding back from moving the rest of my stuff. So tomorrow I will hopefully be moving the last of the things in my apartment! Yay. It is nice to know that I can sleep where most of my clothes and books and things are. It is way cool. Farewell apartment, we had some good times together. I will miss you. Sniffle.

I Wanna Be Like You

I really do. I want to walk like you, talk like you too.
It's true.
Because you are awesome, and although I may seem just as awesome (at times) I am really not. You think you know what I am like, but you don't. I am who I think you want me to be. I fill the roll I think you need filled in your life, but when I am alone I am void - I am nothing. I'm sorry if this makes you sad, but it is true. What do you want me to be today?
Oh how I wish I could quit my day-job and go jetting around the world and take as much time as I wanted for knitting and writing. But I can't. Sad.


(Some sleepy ramblings and an attempt at creative almost poetry)

Stalling ...

So I have been stalling on the finishing of the moving. The problem is that I am waiting for the weather to cooperate with the moving of my bed, and until I move my bed I don't want to move my TV or the rest of my food and dishes and stuff. So I am stalling. But it is hard to live halfway in two places - whatever I want always seems to be at the house I am not currently at.

As for other things, I had a really good talk with my co-worker during lunch today and it is great. The subject wasn't great, but it was great that he seemed to understand things I was talking about and didn't judge me for things I said that were a little ... hard to hear. He is a great guy who is very similar to me in a lot of important ways and that makes him a great person to work with. It was one of the best lunch breaks I have had in a long long time. Anyway, I guess it is bed time - tomorrow is going to be a crazy day -but that's all for now, folks!

Rejection

Well, a friend and I were talking about all the sinlge guys we know and I have come to a conclusion. I don't feel sorry for them. Well, a few of them ... maybe ... but seriously, if you aren't asking girls out and you know a lot of girls then it is your own darn fault. You can't expect to fall in love at first sight. It is okay to go out with someone a few times and then decide if you like them. And if you are worried about rejection then think about this boys ... you may get rejected when you ask out that girl and she says no, but I am getting rejected every time you ask out someone who is not me. Seriously. Every time a guy I like asks out a roommate or a friend or some girl I don't know, that is rejection. Even if my interest in him is only minimal, it is still a rejection. So now that you know I get rejected so often maybe you will feel less hurt when one or two girls say no to a date.

Phones = Awesome

I love phones. I know that many of my blog posts are about things I love, but I love lots of things and I want everyone to know all about it. So, to continue, I love phones. They are so super high tech now. It used to be that everyone just had home phones but now cell phones are so good you pretty much don't even need a home phone. Phones nowadays even have camcorders in them. I remember the first camcorder I ever saw belonged to my grandparents and it was huge. And now you can get them in cell phones. They even have video awards for people who film stuff on their phones (which I can't find a link to right now). And Chantal Kraviazuk even filmed the entire video for the song "Wonderful" on a Nokia N93. Crazy, I know. Maybe I can go into film-making with less cost than I thought!

Jon Schmidt

So first I have to say that I have not went to bed yet so technically it is still the 24th to me. So tonight I went to a Jon Schmidt concert and it was quite interesting. Not totally my type of music, but still good. He plays the piano amazingly! He made it look so effortless and easy. Made me jealous. Oh well. He was also quite a showman and very goofy which was fun. Some of his songs did sound quite similar to others though which kinda sucks, but there were a few I really liked. The funniest part about all of it was that he had played at BYU when I was there several times, and I never went, and now that I am not in BYU anymore, I went to see him. So funny.

Black Friday

So, I only left my house a few times since it is black Friday and I was afraid of the crowds. But I did enjoy some guitar hero party. Woo! Guitar Hero!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, it is finally Turkey Day! Nice. And even though I did have to work today it is a short day at the ole' office (although where I work really isn't an office, but you get it) so it isn't too bad. Also, I finally finished my hair last night. Yay! It is no longer orange, and we added a little bit of red for some kicks. Here's a pic.

Anyway, I am going to go and relax for a time before I stuff myself. I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving (or if you are from Canada then have a good Thursday). Love ya!

Rick Mercer I Love You

I am from Canada but I have lived in the United States for the last five years going to school and working and whatnot. Everytime someone finds out I am from Canada they proceed to make Canada jokes (how did Canada get its name? hyuk hyuk) All I can think of in those times of frustration on my part was Rick Mercer. He is so awesome and has improved my life so much. Thank you Rick. Thank you very much.

Sadness ...

So I am moving to save money. I am moving in with my friend and I am going to be paying less than half of what I pay in rent now. I still still have all the amenities, but the bathroom is way smaller and so is the bedroom, but the closet is bigger and the money I am saving will be so worth it. I started packing today and already my apartment looks so sad and empty. I have taken the few things I had up off of the walls and packed up everything that was on all my bookcases and stuff. I even took most of my closet. I figure I will go and unpack as I am going so that when I move the bed in, which should be almost last, then I won't have tons of boxes everywhere. I hope it goes the way that I plan. I am going to miss my apartment so much though, I really do love it. Oh well, I can have a nice apartment again later in life. I guess. Or a nice house or whatever. I will keep you updated on how smoothly it goes with everything. :)

Longest Day Ever!

Okay, maybe not EVER, but it was a long day. I found out that my bosses dad died yesterday so I have to work on Thanksgiving. And then there was an emergency at like 2:45 and I ended up staying until almost 5 o'clock. Now I am tired. But, on the plus side, since I am working t-day I am going to have tomorrow and wed off, then fri through sun as well. Which is kinda nice since I am planning on moving soon and so I can take that time to start packing things up and moving some things over. Also, I think I found someone to take over my lease already! Yay! Well, I have to go shower since I am tired of smelling like monkey. Sigh.

Working Girl

I hate working the weekends. I like staying up late and playing with my friends (namely Guitar Hero, but sometimes other games like Rook) but then it makes getting up for work really really suck! Blech! I think it would be awesome to be an author, then I could sleep in every day and still earn enough money to live. I think I will work on that. Mind you, I decided to work on that at the beginning of Nov when I started NaNoWriMo and I haven't even written 1000 words yet (but I am just under). Unfortunately that is nowhere near the 50,000 I was aiming for. I still have a week right? I can still make it ..... or not, but I can get closer.

Also, I finished my knitting project and I have pics, but I forgot to ask Skyla if I could post pics of her daughter on here and I don't want to do it without her permission. Maybe I could do some editing of the head and then post them. We'll see.

Day Off

So, I get the day off today, which is way nice. This was the first time I got even close to enough sleep during the night. I still set my alarm though, because I really like waking up when my alarm goes off and then just turning it off and getting to go back to sleep! Muahahaha! It is great. But I think I have been almost on the verge of getting sick for the last few days and today since I let myself sleep in it was like the sickness kicked in and my throat was all scratchy and my head was half clogged. It was crazy. But I feel better now. I hope that will be the sickest I get.

So I totally have made the decision to move. My friend has a house and she will let me move in to a private bedroom for less than half of what I pay for my apartment now. I know I will be giving up my apartment, which I love (it is super cute) but I really need to save money. I have some bills that I am getting sick of owing and I want to start paying more on my student loan. So, the decision has been made, I listed my apartment on Craig's list, and I am going to move at the end of this month/the beginning of next month. Wish me luck!

I Have Failed Again!

Dang it! I failed at this whole blogging every day thing. I missed once, and now I have missed twice. I totally didn't even think about it last night until about 12:30 when I was half asleep. Stink! It is because life is so crazy. I finally finished the baby dress/jumper thing I was making, but I didn't get a chance to take a pic before giving it to my co-worker for whom I was making it (well her daughter) because she wanted it for pics and a trip she is going on. Anyway, she got some really cute pics of her daughter in it though so she is going to give me some and then I will post them.

Anyway, so I finished that on Tues night at like 2 am, then I worked Wed. Work took a long time on Wed and so I was supposed to stay late, but I had to get my hair recolored (it was a bit orange) so I got that done, then I went to Fry's with some friends, not realizing how long we would be there. Then we left and were starving so we went to get food. I didn't get home 'til midnight (and I didn't go back to work) so I tried to get up and go in early this morning, but it wasn't as early as I had planned and it took longer to do what I had to. Anyway, we eventually did everything we had to, but it still took forever. Then I was supposed to go to someone's place after work and I totally got lost! I am glad I have tomorrow off so I can catch up on my sleep.

Also, I think I am going to move soon. I will keep you updated on that. But now I am going to go and veg out and not think.