Sunday, December 16, 2007


So today was one of those feel sorry for myself days. I don't know why, but I just felt 'blah'. Do you ever feel blah? Where it feels like you are too fat and too ugly and too mean and too nice and too stupid and too smart and no one will ever love you even though you know darn well that lots of people love you. I felt really alone even though I was surrounded by people. The thing was that I felt fine at work when I actually was by myself and then I got home and was around people and I felt like crap. And then this friend of mine - this sweet nice great friend of mine - called to see if I was okay. I hadn't told him I had to work today so he was wondering why I wasn't at church and wanted to know if I was okay. And that made it better in one way and worse in another. It was nice to know that right when I was feeling like no one cared, someone called and obviously did care. But at the same time, he is one of my friends and he is dating this girl, and that is the way it seems all my friends are (well not all, but many). And if they aren't dating someone then they at least have in the past ... but I haven't. And I feel weird about that. I feel like maybe I am going to meet this great guy someday who I really like and he will really like me until he finds that out and then he will assume that there is something wrong with me that he just didn't know about so he won't like me anymore. That is stupid and irrational, but there it is.

The title of this is really an apology to anyone who ends up stumbling across this horrid mushiness of my thought goo and actually reads it. Sorry that you read it. That is all. I won't feel like this tomorrow and I will post something normal. Maybe.

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