Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wednesday ... I think ...

So, basically I am not sure what day of the week it is ever. Welcome to my life.

So, today at work I was not working as hard as I should have been but instead I was looking up things that I could potentially do with my life. And so as I was doing this I looked up Grad Schools and I found the greatest website. You could search for schools based on different areas of Neuroscience (like Behavioural or Imaging) and then they would bring up all the ones that have those programs. Then you can click on the school and it would tell you program info, admissions info, cost, financial help information - all sorts of good things. It was a great website. I wish I had known about it before. I am not sure I want to go to Grad School but that is a great resource. I have been looking up other types of schooling too - Optometry school and PA school and stuff and they have websites like that but they just list the schools and you have to go to the school site on your own and figure out the stuff you want to know. Anyway, I was impressed with the site. Mandi is happy now.

Well, mostly. I still don't know what I want to do and I have to apply and then once I decide I have to take the test that I need to and then I have to decide what to do from there. So, I really don't have any more decision made than I did before but I have a new resource at my fingertips.

In other news, the local Costa Vida closed a few weeks ago, or months or something like that. Anyway, it was traumatizing. I find myself craving it every day and my friends keep saying things like "I could really go for some Costa right now!" which makes me want it more. So last night I decided to look up some recipes. I put some pork in the marinade last night, then tossed it in the crock pot today and we are going to make some rice as well and have burritos. I hope it turns out good. I am excited! I will post again later telling you all about it!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

So, I talked to my mom on the phone today and she told me that my last post was boring, and a long time ago so I have decided to post again. Something better I hope. I was thinking I was going to cheat though and post another excerpt of my novel since I still have nothing interesting to write ... but I have been away from it for so long I am not sure what a good part to post is. Obviously if I am going to do that I am going to have to re-read the thing first. And then I am going to have to do massive editing because I know it is going to suck (which is why I haven't read it yet - I am afraid of the suckiness). Anyway, I plan to do that soon since I want to finish it and then do a lot of editing.

Moving on. The reason that I don't have much to post is that all I do is work. Work work work. I had to do a thing last night that I had to be at work until 1am. Ugh. Then I had to be at work at the usual time this morning. It was fun. It reminded me of my 4am custodial days - barely sleeping, then going to work, then having a nap, then going to work, then barely sleeping, then going to work. Boring. Anyway, I did manage to finish the book I was reading - but now I have to read the next one in the series. It is a trilogy called Sabriel, Lirael, and Abhorsen by Garth Nix. It is really good so far. I just finished the second one. I really like his writing style most of all - it keeps you interested without getting too plot driven and yet there is enough action to not be bored. I think I just repeated myself. Oh well, I hope you get it.

Anyway, so that is all I have been up to lately - reading and working. And sleeping which I love! Love love love! Maybe I will do something interesting this weekend. I know that Sat is supposed to be our Ward talent show which should be interesting. I only know of one talent that someone is doing that I saw on the sign up sheet - this girl is reading and excerpt of the novel that she is writing. And she is a weird girl. We will see how it goes.

Anyway, that is enough for now. I hope this wasn't as boring as the last post (I don't think it was) and I will be posting a cheater post once I start re-reading. You got lucky this time!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Well then ...

So, I am being a bad girl today - I am not going to go to choir practice. I should but I really don't feel like it. So I am not. Tra la la.

Yesterday was a good day. We went shooting out past Banks at this little place that I couldn't get back to if I wanted to. We had a lot of guns and ammo and we shot targets such as milk jugs and pop cans and we also shot clay pigeons. My friend Adam had this 7MM rifle that was my favorite thing to shoot of all the guns we had. It was powerful and had a pretty good kickback on it but it was fun. I think the main thing I liked was the feel of it and the fact that it had a really good scope on it.

I am not really in the mood to write a long post right now. I just don't know what to say. I have a lot of things that I am thinking about, just nothing worth writing. I have been trying to do better at asserting myself - and I am doing okay. Not stellar. But okay. The thing is that I still am worried about offending people. Which is okay I guess. I will still work on it.

Well, that is all for now (I told you that I didn't want to write a long post). Bye for now. Sorry this was such a boring post.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

The Power of Resolve

So, I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal last year - I flossed more than I did the year before. Of course, that wasn't hard, since I never really flossed the year before that so I only had to floss a few times before it was accomplished. But then I went to the dentist just about a month ago and when I got my cleaning done the hygienist mentioned I should floss more (do they ever NOT have to mention that to anyone?) so I did. The last few weeks of December I flossed quite a bit actually.

This year I don't have any goals like that. I am of the opinion that New Year's resolutions are kinda silly. If there is something I didn't do before now, why do I think that suddenly I am going to do it now? It isn't like I got some magical burst of resolve that made me want to change my life. I think sometimes people do have that happen - but it is almost never at New Years. Like, usually when someone wants to lose weight it is because they realize how big they looked at so-and-so's wedding, or they had some sort of health scare. Same with quitting smoking and most of the other really common New Year's resolutions people have.

But I did have a moment like that recently (it was on New Years actually). You see, upon meeting me most people think I am outgoing and fun (at least I think they do) and a word that you would probably not use to describe me is shy. And I don't think that is the word I would use either, but I am definitely very low on self-confidence. And I hate that about myself. I hate that I feel like I can't say what I want to or do what I want because of the way I will look to others. It isn't just physical self-consciousness either - I hold my tongue a lot because I don't want others to judge me. I have tried hard not to develop an opinion because then I can honestly say "I don't care, whatever you want." And to an extent these things are okay. It is good to be a pleaser sometimes - it makes me happy to see those I love happy. But sometimes I shouldn't have to hold my tongue because I am afraid of being judged. If you don't like me because I told that stupid joke or because I am not really very eloquent or because (heaven forbid) I have an opinion that is different than yours, then screw you. At least that is the attitude I would like to develop somewhat.

The main problem that comes with being a pleaser is that no one really gets to know the real me, because I don't let it out. I play the role that I think you want me to play. If you need someone to be funny with, then I will do that; if you need someone to talk to, I will listen; if you need someone to talk to you, I can do that too (boy can I!) - but it is never about what I need. My roommate tells me that it is okay to let out my emotions more and I think she is right. Why is it that I can't have emotions? I can't let myself show that you hurt me, because then I might be vulnerable.

So, after all that rambling I guess the real goal here is this: I need to be myself. Fear be damned. Consequences be damned. And I am not just doing this because of New Years, that is just a serendipitous coincidence. Courage, help me out here because I am going to need you.